Strategy 9: Resilience (from What's a parent to do?)
The Oxford English Dictionary defines resilience as “the quality or fact of being able to recover quickly or easily from, or resist being affected by, a misfortune, shock, or illness.”i The good news about resilience is that it can be learned.ii An easy way for children to learn resilience is to witness their parents or peers adroitly responding to traumatic events. “Experiences with manageable forms of stress during childhood usually contribute to one’s ability to deal with stress and adversity later in life.”iii
People are considered resilient when, after they fail at a task, the focus shifts to the self, not to external, uncontrollable factors. A key to becoming resilient is the willingness to improve. Consider the following four reasons a child might offer for failing to learn how to ride a bike for the first time.
The Oxford English Dictionary defines resilience as “the quality or fact of being able to recover quickly or easily from, or resist being affected by, a misfortune, shock, or illness.”i The good news about resilience is that it can be learned.ii An easy way for children to learn resilience is to witness their parents or peers adroitly responding to traumatic events. “Experiences with manageable forms of stress during childhood usually contribute to one’s ability to deal with stress and adversity later in life.”iii
People are considered resilient when, after they fail at a task, the focus shifts to the self, not to external, uncontrollable factors. A key to becoming resilient is the willingness to improve. Consider the following four reasons a child might offer for failing to learn how to ride a bike for the first time.
- “I am not coordinated enough.”
- “I did not try my hardest.”
- “Riding a bike is impossible.”
- “The wind was blowing too hard.”
Figure 9.1
How a child thinks about failure is consequential. A child who says that failure is due to external factors, such as the difficulty of the task (“riding a bike is impossible”) or luck (“the wind was blowing too hard”), has abdicated personal responsibility for the outcome. If a child considers a task impossible, it would be foolish to spend any time or effort on trying to accomplish it.
Similarly, since a child cannot possibly control the weather, fighting against a gust of wind would be foolish. From the child’s perspective, if the external world is set against them, there is no sense in putting forth any effort.
On the other hand, when a child thinks that failure is due to a lack of ability (“I am not coordinated enough”), the solution is controllable. It just means more practice is needed so that the child’s bike-riding abilities can be improved.
Effort (“I did not try hard my hardest”) can vary widely according to the task, but effort is under the control of the child, too. A child who wants to ride a bike will eventually exert the effort necessary to master the task. When a child attributes failure to controllable, internal phenomena, such as effort or ability, it means that they believe they, not external forces, are in charge of outcomes.
To be sure, “success is less a result of one’s abilities than of one’s beliefs about one’s abilities and the work put forth in improving those abilities”v
This conclusion about the power of “one’s beliefs about one’s abilities” resonates with one of the most interesting research projects on learning completed in recent years. In a study of thousands of students, researchers at The University of Chicago found success in school to be reliant upon academic behaviors and academic perseverance, both of which can be internally regulated, meaning that they are under the individual’s control. Academic behaviorswere defined as “going to class, doing homework, organizing materials, and participating.”vi Indeed, a student who consistently displays these four academic behaviors is likely to have a highly successful experience in school, no matter their level of intelligence.vii
The five traits of academic perseverance were defined as “grit, tenacity, delayed gratification, self-discipline, and self-control.” In the preface to her book entitled Grit, Angela Duckworth wrote this about being selected as a MacArthur Genius Fellow. “A girl who is told repeatedly that she’s no genius ends up winning an award for being one. The award goes to her because she has discovered that what we eventually accomplish may depend more on our passion and perseverance than on our innate talent.”viii
Whereas resilience is the ability to “bounce back,” grit is considered “perseverance and passion for long-term goals.”ix In the famous marshmallow experiments, led by Walter Mischel, experimenters told young children that, if they could forego eating a marshmallow (or other kind of treat) immediately, they would be rewarded with two marshmallows later.x
Mischel found that the children who managed to delay gratification as 4-year-olds were much more successful as adults than children who did not delay gratification. Even as adolescents, those who delayed gratification “…were more academically and socially competent than their peers and more able to cope with frustration and resist temptation….[They were] more verbally fluent and able to express ideas; they used and responded to reason, were attentive and able to concentrate, to plan, and to think ahead, and were competent and skillful.xi
Of course, Michel’s experiments do not mean that a child who has difficulty with delaying self-regulation is doomed, it just means that the pathways to success might be a little more challenging.
Story
At some point in their lives, many people become obsessed with “making a difference.” They read a slew of biographies and self-help books in the hopes of discovering what they might be able to contribute to the world. The two books under the series title How to Get a Life were written for such people, as they focus on how eminent individuals made the positive contributions that they did.xii
What is notable is that every “great life” selected for inclusion in How to Get a Life experienced great anguish and failed again and again over the course of their lives. However, rather than crumble or give up in response to failure, these individuals endured, bounced back from calamities, and eventually found success. In other words, circumstances did not limit what happened in their lives; they took responsibility for what happened.
About responding to misfortune, the prolific psychologist Leo Bascaglia wrote, “We can turn despair into hope, and that’s magical. We can wipe away any tears and substitute smiles….There are two forces at work, external an internal. We have very little control over the external forces…..What really matters is the internal force. How do I respond to those disasters? Over that I have complete control.”xiii
A characteristic of 100% of the individuals who “got a life” is that they were resilient. They were able to turn obstacles into opportunities and disasters into demonstrations of character.
Works cited
i Oxford English Dictionary. Entry for resilience. https://www.oed.com/view/Entry/163619?redirectedFrom=resilience#eid
ii American Psychological Association (2012). Resilience guide for parents and teachers. Washington, D.C.: APA.https://www.apa.org/topics/resilience/guide-parents-teachers
iii Henry, M., Shorter, S., Charkoudian, L., Heemstra, J., & and Corwin, L. (2019). FAIL is not a four-letter word: A theoretical framework for exploring undergraduate students’ approaches to academic challenge and responses to failure in STEM learning environments. CBE—Life Sciences Education 18(1), 1-17. Citation on p. 1
iv Heider. F (1958). The psychology of interpersonal relations. New York: Wiley; Weiner, B. (1992). Human Motivation: Metaphors, Theories and Research. Newbury Park, CA: Sage Publications).
v Henry, M., Shorter, S., Charkoudian, L., Heemstra, J., & and Corwin, L. (2019). FAIL is not a four-letter word: A theoretical framework for exploring undergraduate students’ approaches to academic challenge and responses to failure in STEM learning environments. CBE—Life Sciences Education 18(1), 1-17. Citation on p. 3.
vi Farrington, C., Roderick, M., Allensworth, E., Nagaoka, J., Keyes, T., Johnson, D., & Beechum, N. (2012, June). Teaching adolescents to become learners: The role of noncognitive factors in shaping school performance: A critical literature review. Chicago, University of Chicago. https://consortium.uchicago.edu/publications/teaching-adolescents-become-learners-role-noncognitive-factors-shaping-school. Citation on p. 8.
vii Tough, P. (2016). Helping children succeed. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.
viii Duckworth, A. (2021). Preface to the book Grit. New York: Scribner. https://angeladuckworth.com/grit-book-excerpt/
ix Duckworth, A., Peterson, C., Matthews, M., * Kelly, D. (2007). Grit: Perseverance and passion for long-term goals. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 92, 1087-1101.
x Mischel, W. (2017). The marshmallow test: Mastering self-control. New York: Little, Brown and Company. See also: Konnikova, M. (2014, October 14). The struggles of a psychologist studying self-control. New Yorker.https://www.newyorker.com/science/maria-konnikova/struggles-psychologist-studying-self-control
xi Mischel, W., Shoda, Y., & Rodriguez, M. (1989, May). Delay of gratification in children. Science, 933-938.
xii Baines, L., & McBrayer, D. (2003a). How to get a life: Empowering wisdom for the heart and soul. Atlanta, Georgia: Humanics; Baines, L., & McBrayer, D. (2003b). How to get a life: Empowering wisdom from thinkers and writers. Atlanta, Georgia: Humanics.
xiii Basscaglia, L (2003). Cited in Short, S., Leo F. Bascaglia. In Baines, L, & McBrayer, D. How to get a life. Atlanta, Georgia: Humanics, p. 130.
Similarly, since a child cannot possibly control the weather, fighting against a gust of wind would be foolish. From the child’s perspective, if the external world is set against them, there is no sense in putting forth any effort.
On the other hand, when a child thinks that failure is due to a lack of ability (“I am not coordinated enough”), the solution is controllable. It just means more practice is needed so that the child’s bike-riding abilities can be improved.
Effort (“I did not try hard my hardest”) can vary widely according to the task, but effort is under the control of the child, too. A child who wants to ride a bike will eventually exert the effort necessary to master the task. When a child attributes failure to controllable, internal phenomena, such as effort or ability, it means that they believe they, not external forces, are in charge of outcomes.
To be sure, “success is less a result of one’s abilities than of one’s beliefs about one’s abilities and the work put forth in improving those abilities”v
This conclusion about the power of “one’s beliefs about one’s abilities” resonates with one of the most interesting research projects on learning completed in recent years. In a study of thousands of students, researchers at The University of Chicago found success in school to be reliant upon academic behaviors and academic perseverance, both of which can be internally regulated, meaning that they are under the individual’s control. Academic behaviorswere defined as “going to class, doing homework, organizing materials, and participating.”vi Indeed, a student who consistently displays these four academic behaviors is likely to have a highly successful experience in school, no matter their level of intelligence.vii
The five traits of academic perseverance were defined as “grit, tenacity, delayed gratification, self-discipline, and self-control.” In the preface to her book entitled Grit, Angela Duckworth wrote this about being selected as a MacArthur Genius Fellow. “A girl who is told repeatedly that she’s no genius ends up winning an award for being one. The award goes to her because she has discovered that what we eventually accomplish may depend more on our passion and perseverance than on our innate talent.”viii
Whereas resilience is the ability to “bounce back,” grit is considered “perseverance and passion for long-term goals.”ix In the famous marshmallow experiments, led by Walter Mischel, experimenters told young children that, if they could forego eating a marshmallow (or other kind of treat) immediately, they would be rewarded with two marshmallows later.x
Mischel found that the children who managed to delay gratification as 4-year-olds were much more successful as adults than children who did not delay gratification. Even as adolescents, those who delayed gratification “…were more academically and socially competent than their peers and more able to cope with frustration and resist temptation….[They were] more verbally fluent and able to express ideas; they used and responded to reason, were attentive and able to concentrate, to plan, and to think ahead, and were competent and skillful.xi
Of course, Michel’s experiments do not mean that a child who has difficulty with delaying self-regulation is doomed, it just means that the pathways to success might be a little more challenging.
Story
At some point in their lives, many people become obsessed with “making a difference.” They read a slew of biographies and self-help books in the hopes of discovering what they might be able to contribute to the world. The two books under the series title How to Get a Life were written for such people, as they focus on how eminent individuals made the positive contributions that they did.xii
What is notable is that every “great life” selected for inclusion in How to Get a Life experienced great anguish and failed again and again over the course of their lives. However, rather than crumble or give up in response to failure, these individuals endured, bounced back from calamities, and eventually found success. In other words, circumstances did not limit what happened in their lives; they took responsibility for what happened.
About responding to misfortune, the prolific psychologist Leo Bascaglia wrote, “We can turn despair into hope, and that’s magical. We can wipe away any tears and substitute smiles….There are two forces at work, external an internal. We have very little control over the external forces…..What really matters is the internal force. How do I respond to those disasters? Over that I have complete control.”xiii
A characteristic of 100% of the individuals who “got a life” is that they were resilient. They were able to turn obstacles into opportunities and disasters into demonstrations of character.
Works cited
i Oxford English Dictionary. Entry for resilience. https://www.oed.com/view/Entry/163619?redirectedFrom=resilience#eid
ii American Psychological Association (2012). Resilience guide for parents and teachers. Washington, D.C.: APA.https://www.apa.org/topics/resilience/guide-parents-teachers
iii Henry, M., Shorter, S., Charkoudian, L., Heemstra, J., & and Corwin, L. (2019). FAIL is not a four-letter word: A theoretical framework for exploring undergraduate students’ approaches to academic challenge and responses to failure in STEM learning environments. CBE—Life Sciences Education 18(1), 1-17. Citation on p. 1
iv Heider. F (1958). The psychology of interpersonal relations. New York: Wiley; Weiner, B. (1992). Human Motivation: Metaphors, Theories and Research. Newbury Park, CA: Sage Publications).
v Henry, M., Shorter, S., Charkoudian, L., Heemstra, J., & and Corwin, L. (2019). FAIL is not a four-letter word: A theoretical framework for exploring undergraduate students’ approaches to academic challenge and responses to failure in STEM learning environments. CBE—Life Sciences Education 18(1), 1-17. Citation on p. 3.
vi Farrington, C., Roderick, M., Allensworth, E., Nagaoka, J., Keyes, T., Johnson, D., & Beechum, N. (2012, June). Teaching adolescents to become learners: The role of noncognitive factors in shaping school performance: A critical literature review. Chicago, University of Chicago. https://consortium.uchicago.edu/publications/teaching-adolescents-become-learners-role-noncognitive-factors-shaping-school. Citation on p. 8.
vii Tough, P. (2016). Helping children succeed. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.
viii Duckworth, A. (2021). Preface to the book Grit. New York: Scribner. https://angeladuckworth.com/grit-book-excerpt/
ix Duckworth, A., Peterson, C., Matthews, M., * Kelly, D. (2007). Grit: Perseverance and passion for long-term goals. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 92, 1087-1101.
x Mischel, W. (2017). The marshmallow test: Mastering self-control. New York: Little, Brown and Company. See also: Konnikova, M. (2014, October 14). The struggles of a psychologist studying self-control. New Yorker.https://www.newyorker.com/science/maria-konnikova/struggles-psychologist-studying-self-control
xi Mischel, W., Shoda, Y., & Rodriguez, M. (1989, May). Delay of gratification in children. Science, 933-938.
xii Baines, L., & McBrayer, D. (2003a). How to get a life: Empowering wisdom for the heart and soul. Atlanta, Georgia: Humanics; Baines, L., & McBrayer, D. (2003b). How to get a life: Empowering wisdom from thinkers and writers. Atlanta, Georgia: Humanics.
xiii Basscaglia, L (2003). Cited in Short, S., Leo F. Bascaglia. In Baines, L, & McBrayer, D. How to get a life. Atlanta, Georgia: Humanics, p. 130.